S'attacher ou grandir
Je dois préciser que mon aura étrange ne me stigmatise qu'avec les Occidentaux. Il y a des groupes où je n'ai senti aucun rejet spontané, quoiqu'y étant totalement étranger : les indiens et les arabes.
A une époque j'ai essayé d'inverser la tendance, notamment lors de deux retraites effectuées chez les bouddhistes en 2008. Les gens, paraît-il, ont eu un avis très positif sur moi. Mais c'était un résultat tout à fait superficiel, car en réalité ils me fuyaient. Cela dit, ils avaient une bonne raion. J'ai toujours été très critique vis-à-vis des réalisations auto-proclamées.
"There is nothing worse than walking into a room filled with people who have done meditation for ten years. Everyone is superior to everybody else. You can't tell them anything, because they have all the answers. They are totally satisfied; they have a complete, finished thing. It is disgusting, really disgusting. With people who are working, there is no room for talk, there is no room to fight. They are in a state of being, a state of reality. They can't afford to fight with you. They can't afford to even be superior. They can't waste their energy. They are growing.
Meditating is maintaining where you think you are. It is a very egocentric thing. To do our work, you are always breaking yourself down. You see what you are not. You are not building ego, and there is no self-satisfaction, because you always know you could have done it better. You could have done it more consciously. You are always learning that you have not done as good a job as it is possible to do. You do not come out a winner, you come out with more work. That is the prize. The only way to win is to end up being free".
Ce que je cherchais déjà à l'époque, c'était à grandir, à découvrir des choses nouvelles et inconnues, même si je m'y prenais plutôt mal. Les gens autour de moi étaient surtout occupés à conforter leur corpus de connaissances bouddhistes, à stabiliser le connu et à s'y construire un joli chateau. Un certain nombre étaient instructeurs de yoga, de ceci ou de cela... une situation où il est recommandé de ne pas changer, de peur de dérouter les élèves. De mon côté, je changeais de religion tous les 3 mois, chrétien, bouddhiste, hindou, musulman etc., en sorte que lorsque je revenais sur les anciennes au bout d'un an, elles étaient nouvelles.. Rudi explique qu'on a en principe un cycle de mort-renaissance par an, comme les plantes de nos pays, lui l'avait multiplié par deux en allant en Inde en hiver. A ma façon je le multipliais par 4, et j'en avais bien besoin. Dès que l'énergie tirée d'un système menaçait de s'épuiser, j'allais en chercher un autre. Au lieu de n'avoir dans mon jardin que des plantes d'ici, j'ai cultivé des plantes de tous les pays, en sorte qu'il y en avait toujours une en train de croître. Le moins qu'on puisse faire quand on avance à pas de fourmis, c'est de ne jamais s'arrêter.
Dans les religions, les gens s'attachent à la forme, en sorte qu'ils passent complètement à côté du contenu réel.
These teachings exist as an energy. And the energy, this abstract quantity, is what we are really after. People always think they can gain learning, knowledge, and wisdom by taking a teaching in words. Words only represent the shell, or the crust, of knowledge. Spiritual knowledge exists in an intangible way. It is drawn off from other people. It certainly is not theirs to withhold. It is ours to take, because spirituality is refined energy that is separate and detached from the person who has that gift, or that capacity. Trying to study them intellectually, tr-ing to dig into their minds, is not the way to obtain knowledge. One can never receive somebody else's secret by trying to pry it out of them, because the more pressure you apply, the more resistance it builds up. But by being open, by surrendering and staying very open in yourself and just drawing within yourself, you will take the nourishment, the energy, from the person, and that knowledge will grow in you.
It is no different than milking a cow. The essence of the energy of a cow is in its milk, and you can draw the nourishment from the cow without having to slay the beast. I have seen so many people go to different parts of the world to study. They come back with an enormous amount of intellectual, or structured, material, but they can't take from that structure the nourishment, or content, that exists within it. The real nourishment — the real wisdom, and the real secret of spirituality, depth, and creativity — is almost like an invisible energy. It exists separately from a human being. It arises from people's endlessly pursuing a line of work, a line of development. Their conscious effort produces an energy that is detached from them.
You cannot take from that energy on the physical level, where you get involved with them as a teacher or as an institution. If you get involved on that level you get involved with the tensions, you get involved in the politics or the way the institution is structured. You end up being the secretary or treasurer of an organization. You end up working in some kind of a position, rather than just sitting in the atmosphere that allows you to draw the energy inside and evolve.
Finally, structure is always the limitation in any situation because structure is just like a coconut shell — it is the thing that protects the nourishment, the meat and milk of a situation. So, we are growing and allowing our structure to change by taking nour-ishment, not structure, to put within ourselves.
Il faut dire que les maîtres n'aident pas à comprendre ce qui se passe, et qu'ils font tout pour entretenir une énorme confusion.
To survive a teacher takes an extraordinary type of disciple. You have to be a brilliant disciple to survive studying with almost anybody, because teachers generally have a need to bind you to them.
I knew an old man who once said this about going to the hospital. He said you have to be very strong to go to the hospital, which is true, because the treatment in the hospital is so bad, the food is so terrible, and there are so many germs that it takes all your strength to survive it.
The attachment inflicted on people spiritually is so terrible because it takes them away from the opportunity of being free and being realized. Reali-zation comes from attachment to God, not attachment on the physical level.
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